Last week I was walking through Washington DC, and I noticed a shabbily dressed man as I walked down the street. A moment or two later, the man was walking next to me, saying, "I couldn’t help but notice you staring at me. Do you have a problem with the way I look?" I’m pretty sure I never stared at this guy, so I wittily retorted, "Excuse me?" He repeated, "I couldn’t help but notice you staring at me. Do you have a problem with the way I look?"
I answered, "I must have been thinking about something else. I don’t think I was staring at you." Which was true. But afterwards, I thought of several better answers:
1. Start singing Billy Joel’s "I love you just the way you are" and dancing around the guy
2. Say, "Why do you think I’m staring at you?! I want the $50,000 you owe me. I’ve been looking for you for months. Are you going to pay up or do I need to call the cops?"
3. Give the guy a big hug, saying, "I just need somebody to love" (a la Bill Murray with the insurance salesman in Groundhog Day)