how to extract money from foreigners: introductory session

Over the years, I have traveled extensively in environments with lots of poor people, and many such persons have sought to extract money from me in one way or another, many of them ineffectively and a few of them exceedingly effectively (the latter usually resulting in me being unconscious).In my (weak) efforts to make the world a better place, I am offering this free on-line course. In five short lessons (delivered over the coming weeks), you can extract with the best from the “bumsters” of Banjul to the soccer boys of Mombasa.

If you are a potential or an experienced extractor, sharing your own ideas and experience will help you to internalize these principles. If you are an experienced extractee (like myself), your own experiences can help numberless extractors in their efforts to provide for their own material needs as well as those of their families.

Course Outline
Lesson 1: Don’t bring up money with your foreigner on the first date. Or the second date. And don’t bring up an overseas trip or a bank account on the first love letter.

Lesson 2: Do pretend to work for the secret police.

Lesson 3: Don’t use the same pick-up lines as the other 200 would-be extractors.

Lesson 4: Do strangle or drug your foreigner. But don’t kill her.

Lesson 5: Win-win situations: The foreigner can pay you to be his guide, or pay you to leave him alone. You win in both situations.

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2 thoughts on “how to extract money from foreigners: introductory session”

  1. Lesson 5 has got to be the most annoying extraction behavior I’ve ever encountered. (Although I’m betting you think the getting drugged/knocked out ones are worse) Trying to find my own way around Sipi Falls, Uganda without paying anybody was near impossible.

  2. 3 and 5 are definitely the most annoying. 4 is the most alarming. and 1 is the most disappointing. 2 is just outrageous.

    one time in northern Kenya we had this experience where the guy would not leave us alone, and it only occurred to us later that we should pay him to leave us alone: I’m not sure if it would have worked, though.

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