my funniest story ever

My wife and I were trying to think of funny stories, and this is my funniest story ever, from a visit to Uganda back in 2006.

Over the last few days, I’ve written a couple of letters to my wonderful wife D, but I haven’t had the chance to send them, so they’ve been sitting on the table in my hotel. This evening when I returned to my room after work, I went to get out my computer and found – together with the two letters I had written – another letter, written in an unfamiliar script! Here are excerpts:

Dear Sweetie,
How are you and your life generaly? From my side things are so fine the way you always see me through we don’t meet each other sometimes.
As far as your letter is concerned from yesterday, I read but I didn’t understand because…I thought you had written to someone else…
So sweetie, I also love you too much and if you are realy serious, I welcome you with my two hands in my arms. Also I am a born-again christian… [ME: One of my letters mentioned attending church.] Even I would feel good to be in your country if you could arrange and take me there to tour because I love the place….
BE SPECIFIC AND SERIOUS I VOW TO BE YOURS FOR GOOD AND EVER!
[and a bit more]
She goes on to suggest that she’ll come to my room early tomorrow morning or that I can call her tonight at 8pm at a number she provides. I read the letter at 8:25pm and tried to call but couldn’t get through!

This experience is all the more striking because it’s happened before: in 2000, I was staying at the Joyland Lodge in Busia, Kenya, and the woman who washed my clothes slipped a similar note into my clean laundry (with no unwisely left love letters to provoke her). She also mentioned coming to see my country. I’m amazed by the earnest willingness of someone to consider a marriage based on nothing but a couple of letters (or in the previous case, not even that) and my perceived citizenship in a wealthy country. And yet, as I look around me, I shouldn’t be amazed.

I’ve written a note that I hope is kind but clear and very apologetic for the confusion.
And then, the next day

When I awoke this morning, the note was gone, and when I returned home from work, I found another letter in the drawer by my bed:

Thank you very much. I appreciate the way you have told me through the letter because to be with two wives is committing adultery which is a very big sin. I wish you well and if you go back greet everybody and I encourage you next time to come back to [the hotel I’m staying at].

She also wished me blessings and safety in my endeavors and travels.

Good times…

book review: Three Act Tragedy, by Agatha Christie

a novel conceit but not among the better Poirot outings

A retired (but still youngish and handsome) actor holds a dinner party and – surprise! – a guest is murdered! (One thing I enjoyed about Christie’s book of short stories, Poirot Investigates, was that occasionally Poirot investigated something besides a murder. So much murder, quite exhausting.) The actor, his young and attractive admirer, and another friend play the detective. Although the famed Belgian detective Hercule Poirot is present at the first murder, he does not get involved in the case until more than halfway through the book. I found it a pity, as his special charm (and pleasant arrogance) always warms the page.

The ending of this case felt less resolved than many. We learn who the murderer is, and something of the reason, but it feels less tidily wrapped up; and Poirot seems to rely on that old method: Accuse the murder a few times until he confesses, even in the absence of very solid evidence. (We often see this in courtroom dramas: Bad guys always explode and say unwise things if righteous prosecutors badger them enough.)

Yet I still stayed up late finishing it. It’s not The Murder of Rodger Ackroyd, but then again, it’s also not The Big Four (horrible).  [The other month I was in Brazil and saw a copy of The Big Four translated into Portuguese, and I thought, Of all the Poirot novels to translate, not THAT one!]

(audio) book review: The Westing Game, by Ellen Raskin, narrated by Jeff Woodman

It was better when I was a kid, but the climax is still pretty impressive

Millionaire Sam Westing dies and leaves a will inviting 16 potential heirs to play a game to find the murderer. I remember loving this book as a youth, and after being reminded of it in an episode of Veronica Mars*, I revisited it. My first complaint is that it never lets you forget that it’s Young Adult fiction. The characters feel a bit too caricatured sometimes, perhaps, something of which younger readers are often more forgiving. (I was.) This stands in contrast to some young adult fiction, notably Harry Potter books, in which I managed to forget that I was reading a book for a younger audience. My second complaint is that the ending is too indulgent. Hitchcock supposedly said, Always give the audience what it wants. And normally I’m a fan of epilogues that tell me how everything has played out, but with two epilogues and endings that are – to my liking – just a bit too clean (I won’t say more in case you haven’t read it), it just felt like too much dessert, leaving me uncomfortably full.

BUT although I think I missed some clues, I was truly drawn in as we neared the climax, and I was genuinely (and pleasantly) surprised by the way the puzzle played itself out.

I would definitely recommend this to a young adult. If you’re an adult, there are probably better puzzle books. (Or read this awesome science fiction novel I finished yesterday – The Day of the Triffids. It was exceptional!)

Note on content: The book is about the solving of a murder, and there is some talk about a corpse with maggots crawling out of its sockets.

* Season 1: The one where Deb from Napolean Dynamite finds her biological mom. Her younger sister is reading The Westing Game.  The episode is called Silence of the Lamb.

sweet read book review: The Day of the Triffids, by John Wyndham

an easy-to-read post-apocalyptic road trip, love story, and reverie on political organization (and biological engineering): excellent!

One night a spectacular meteor shower fills the sky, and everyone who has seen it awakes blind the next morning. For the most part, this science fiction classic follows Bill Masen (who was in bandages during the shower) as he finds his way in this post-apocalyptic world. Add to this a special plant, the triffid, which can walk and attack. But the triffids are no more a concern than the rival governments being established by Bill’s few sighted peers and the blind forced to rely on them.

I read this on my last work trip and could barely put down. According to the critical introductory essay by Edmund Morris,* in the British Commonwealth “it has the reputation of being the one science fiction book you must read, even if you don’t read science fiction.” I agree.

1. This is a great read. It takes no time at all to get moving, with this excellent opening line: “When a day that you happen to know is Wednesday starts off by sounding like Sunday, there is something seriously wrong somewhere.”

2. The book is an interesting mix of post-apocalyptic (think The Road but less dark despite the carnivorous plants) and dystopian (as we observe the new orders being established).

3. Many of these British survivors are obsessed with Americans. I remember seeing this in the film Independence Day (with Will Smith), when the Americans develop a plan and the British say, “It’s about time” or some such. As Bill and his friends seek other survivors, they found that most other small groups “waited for the arrival of the Americans, who were bound to find a way. … The Americans, they assured us, would never have allowed such a thing to happen in their country” (163). This appears several times.

4. Wyndham captures the oppressive loneliness of wandering through this post-apocalyptic world: “Until then I had always thought of loneliness as something negative – an absence of company, and, of course, something temporary. … That day I had learned that it was much more. It was something which could press and oppress, could distort the ordinary and play tricks with the mind. Something which lurked inimically all around, stretching the nerves and twanging them with alarms, never letting one forget that there was no one to help, no one to care.” (169-170)

I highly recommend this book. I intend to seek out more Wyndham.

* This essay is included in the Modern Library: 20th Century Rediscovery edition. I recommend reading the essay after reading the novel.

Book 4 of Stephen King’s Summer Reading List: Shatter, by Michael Robotham

Here’s the full list.

a very dark, very twisted villain, in a suspense-filled page turner

Joe is this psychologist who gets called by the police to talk a woman down from a bridge. She jumps instead, but she is apparently influenced by someone she was talking to on her cell phone. So Joe gets involved in tracking down a misogynist psycho killer. The book was a very fast read; I read it in two days (and would have in one were it not for professional obligations). The plotting is excellent, the protagonist is sympathetic and friendly and three-dimensional. The psycho is a really really bad dude.

If I were to go back in time, I wouldn’t read it again because of the extensive explicit content (see below). But I let myself get drawn in, and I credit Robotham for spinning a compelling tale that leaves me interested in seeing Joe in action again. AND the book has two funny jokes, which I reproduce here:

  1. “Ever heard the joke about the nursery-school teacher who stands up in front of the class and says, ‘If anyone feels stupid, I want you to stand up.’ Well this little boy, Jimmy, gets to his feet and the teacher says, ‘Do you really feel stupid, Jimmy?’ And Jimmy says, ‘No, miss, I just didn’t want you standing up there all alone.’” (397)
  2. A woman gets on a bus with her baby and the bus driver says, ‘That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.’ The woman is furious but pays the fare and sits down. Another passenger says, ‘You can’t let him get away with saying that. You go back and tell him off. Here, I’ll hold the monkey for you.’” (278)

Note on content: If you even care about the note on content, then you probably shouldn’t read this book. The villain uses lots of graphic language, including sexually explicit language. There are several murders and attempted murders, and we observe at least a couple.

the power of the poor

He [Petr Chelcický] saw war as a conspiracy in which the poor were duped into fighting to defend the privileges of the rich. If all poor people refused to fight, he argued, the rich would have no army and there would be no war. (from Kurlansky, Nonviolence, p51-2)

This is reminiscent of Aminata Sow Fall’s Beggar’s Strike, in which the poor deprive the rich of essential blessings made by giving offerings to the poor – that doesn’t do it justice; I recommend the book, it’s clever and subversive.

(graphic novel) book review: Aya, by Marguerite Abouet & Clément Oubrerie

life in Ivory Coast for an adolescent girl in the 70s was kind of like life in lots of places – an enjoyable little tale

Abouet emigrated from Ivory Coast many years ago, and this fictional narrative about three adolescent girls and their struggles to grow up and find their romantic footing draws on her memories. It takes place in Ivory Coast in 1978, when the country was really blooming economically (before many sad years ahead – there is a nice foreword that places the graphic novel in the broader context of Ivorian history).

The novel does an excellent job of teaching something about life in Africa without that being the goal: these are girls, with mostly the same concerns that girls probably have around the world, with some contextual constraints that affect their decisions, desires, and incentives.

I found it a light, quick escape with a little something more (the context). It took a total of an hour or so to read.  There is now a sequel entitled Aya of Yop City.  Thanks to Helge Dascher for the good translation (hidden on the copyright page: shame on you publishers!).

Note on content: Sex is implied, teen pregnancy is dealt with, and sexism is observed.

book review: Buckingham Palace Gardens, by Anne Perry

murder AND class rivalry: oh my!

A friend gave me this on my last trip, and I just finished it on the bus from NYC to Washington DC. A century or so ago, four men with their wives are gathered at Buckingham Palace to discuss a massive infrastructure investment with the Prince. One morning, a prostitute is found murdered in a closet. Thomas Pitt, working class detective now risen to Special Services (or something of that sort), is called in.

Ups: The mystery is interesting, and every time I thought it was solved, I was wrong. Overlaying the mystery is a massive amount of class insecurity and reflection from the servants to the working class individuals like Pitt.

Downs: Elsa, one of the wives, spends a lot of time ruminating about love in a not very interesting way. I daresay Perry could have left some of that in Elsa’s unobserved mind.

I enjoyed it, but I doubt I’ll rush out to read more Anne Perry. I admit that I enjoy the simplicity of Agatha Christie’s mysteries, very focused on the mystery itself and less on the people. Perhaps that makes them lesser “literature,” but it allows them to fill one purpose very well, which is what I seek from them.

Note on content: No sexually explicit scenes, but there was a party in the palace the night before the prostitute was murdered, and – despite Pitt’s disapproval – he must ask some carefully phrased questions. A bit of gore at the crime scenes. Grotesque classism on display.

resenha do livro “Borges e os Orangotangos Eternos”, por Luis Fernando Veríssimo

For my English-speaking readers, this Brazilian novel was hilarious, and it has been translated into English: Borges & the Eternal Orangutans.  Imagine putting Borges and other like-minded intellectuals in charge of a murder mystery.  Radical!

muito engraçado mistério de assassínio misturado com a sátira aguçada do intelectualismo esotérico: a combinação perfeita

Vogelstein, um tradutor e escritor de pouca importância (e muito admirador de Jorge Luis Borges) quem mora em Porto Alegre, Brasil, viaja até Buenos Aires, Argentina, para participar numa conferência internacional sobre a obra de Edgar Alan Poe. Os acadêmicos e intelectuais lá tem sentimentos muito fortes sobre seu trabalho (e ums contra outros), até com ameaças de morte. Uma noite, o acadêmico mais odiado é encontrado morto dentro do seu apartamento. O detetive policial para o caso é amigo de Jorge Luis Borges, o autor argentino as veces dificil de decifrar, então o detetive o convida a Borges a ajudar a resolver o mistério. O que segue é uma sátira hilariante do intelectualismo, enquanto Borges e Vogelstein tentam decifrar os fios na cena do homicídio: É que o corpo tinha forma da letra “X” quando foi encontrado? Então o assassino tem nome que começa com X? Mas num livro de Poe o “X” simboliza a letra “O”, então acaso ten nome com “O”? E que das cartas de baralho deixada na mesa? Et cetera… Eu não conseguí adivinhar a conclusão em nenhum momento!

Você realmente não precisa conhecer muito de Borges para apreciar este livro.  (Li um livro de contos de Borges faz 15 anos.)  Imagino que o apreciaria até melhor se o conhecesse melhor, mas só com conhecer a ideia de Borges (o até do inteletualismo desenfreado) é suficiente para achar esta novela completamente absurda e hilariante.

Eu a recomendo por completo. Vou presentear o livro a varios amigos, e já comecei outro livro de Veríssimo.

Nota sobre o conteudo: Uma das personagems do livro tem sexo, e a cena menciona a existência dos seios (mas além disso não é muito explícito). Também uma das personagems mais odiosas do livro expressa uma opiniões racistas.